Some Ideas for the Future...

In the future, there shouldn't be cars. This isn't just because of my intense hatred of driving.


Okay. It is.


But they're not helping with the environmental problem, or the gas crisis. Anything that has "problem" or "crisis" after it certainly can't be good. That means it must be stopped.


While we are failing to find new energy sources, we are doing very well in the area of genetics.


Scientists should be trying to engineer large groundhogs. Not just "I saw the BIGGEST groundhog the other day, big as a cat!" big. Bigger than the average mini-van big. And we would ride them.


The worst traffic accident would be the accidental collision between two groundhogs who both simultaniously went for the same very large bug.


Rich people could even pay for coloured, pure-bred, groundhogs. They could form little clubs for different varieties.


Poor people could live on the groundhogs.


And police-- police would have the most durable groundhogs, genetically engineered for high-speed groundhog chases through hostile cityscapes and over the edges of cliffs into nearly bottomless ravines. But even if they couldn't properly genetically engineer a super-fast groundhog, it would be fine, because groundhogs are tend to be quite speedy, I hear, when the motivation is fighting crime. That and oatmeal.





Here's a picture, drawn in MSpaint, (because photoshop would rather use the mouse to suck my soul out through my palm that operate well as an art program) to demonstrate.

If that doesn't convince you, I don't know what will.

Another thing I definitely want in the future is the option to turn myself into a cyborg. We could have cellphones, computers, televisions right in our brains. (Of course, this would cause most people to sit around accessing porn in public without anyone knowing rather than interact, which would indirectly bring about the end of the human race.) But it's not having the entire internet in my brain and a camera on my forehead that excites me. It's the possible attachments.

If I were a cyborg, the first attachment I would get would be the shoulder-toaster. I would have it built on to look like some sort of muscle-enhancing super blast gun of some sort, but then the lid would flip off and it would be a toaster. I'd put it on the shoulder so I could just turn my head and bite it as it popped out.

Even better would be the large variety of settings on my shoulder-toaster. It would have the "why did you even toast this if you wanted it this light" setting, "black as death," "perfectly done"and all the basic ones you find on other toasters. But in addition to this there would be others. My favourite of the others would have to be the one that would be listed at the very bottom in bright red capital letters that read "INCINERATE."

Because the greatest thing about toasters is you can put anything in there, it doesn't have to be bread.

My least favourite would be the "spurt flame" setting, but only if I happened to have my head turned toward the toaster. If the flame missed my head it would be my second favourite.